Can't believe it's been a month

Day 14
6/13/09 930 PM Saturday

Dad's in rehab!!!!

Day 15
6/14/09 1245 PM Sunday

Two weeks ago Dad was beginning a long journey as a stroke victim. Today I was able to talk with him on the phone as he sat in the chair. Mom and I have been up and down emotionally, physically, mentally; strained but we are trusting and believing God for miraculous healing and recovering through the expert care of Carepartners in Asheville. (So much for physicians and nurses at Mission giving us hope.)

Mom is dealing with diverticulitis and me with IBS. Terry with Loneliness. Matthew with distance.

Lost and alone
Is how the turn of the earth can leave you.
All is peace and joy one moment then a horrible change in the body can leave one helpless---speechless---no motor control or ability to control one's own actions. But the grace of God and the expert hands of professionals can certainly turn the earth back.

*********************************

Day 31

In some ways, it's been a long, long month and in some ways it's been fast. Sitting and waiting in the hospital was terribly long. Driving the long drive from my house to Mom's to Asheville was long. Expecting greater strides in recovery is not long enough. I know strokes take much time to recover from. I also understand everyone is different. Some days will be miraculous and others heart breaking but hope is essential and prayer is a must. God must have time to work His medicine that is like no doctor's or therapist's. He can heal, change and improve anyone's situation. Believe and take heart!

Reverse-Day 12 of 30

6:30 AM

Good morning sky!
Shine your light into my spirit and brighten my soul.
Good morning earth!
Be my stronghold and support my weakened body.
Good morning woods!
Open a path to my Savior and direct my way.
Good morning Lord!
You are my light, my earth, my path to all healing and comfort. Preserve my people this day.
Give me strength to be for this day and
Carry me forth to tomorrow and the next day and forever.

You think you're story is special, unique, requiring more of God's attention but then you listen to another's and know you are blessed…a young mother with a tiny infant struggling to stay strong and live; someone who was raped, pregnant, miscarried and still sees it as best even though she may never conceive again; a scared woman afraid she'll lose her soul mate of over 50 years; another young person trying to survive cancer and maybe there's lost hope…the stories continue and God touches each with peace, comfort, strength, love and courage.

7 AM

A birds chorus
Wakens my spirit
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
Praise God. Praise God!
Fear not! Fear not! Fear not!
He is Lord! He is Lord! He is Lord!
Joy Joy Joy!

1240 PM

Two wrens give me hope
This little pair mimic Mom and Dad-
Together again.
Hope grows…
Returns.

6:55 PM

Seek divine order
At first light
Quiet the mind
Carry this peace
Throughout the day

Seek divine
Contentment
At close of day.
Sleep on it restfully.

Fast forward to day 30

This blog is one of those bad movies where I complain they do to much flashback and jump forwards, but I needed to share this today.

Dad may be released to skilled nursing facility next week. So in addition to another trip to Asheville, we checked out the facilities in Mom and Dad's county today.
I'm weary. I'm tired and I'm as scared as I was on Day 1. I keep telling Dad to fight but my own fight is weakening. How do people do this day after day? Month after month? Year after year?

Lord, I still pray for a miracle.

written in your soul is a faith of endurance

written in your spirit is a hope everlasting

written in your heart is a love like no other

God is in each--

your soul

your spirit

your heart

I jotted these words down the other day when reading my devotional. I pulled them out today. Who knew I'd need these words on this day?

GOD! Of course!

Day 10 of 28 and it's still tough!

Life is so tough!
'Discontent and disorder are signs of energy and hope, not despair.' Dame Cicily Wedgewood

Layers of thoughts
Woulda… coulda… shoulda…
When… if… someday…
What if… can I… if only…
Jumbled my mind and
Confuse my spirit.

My life is blessed but I forget to say thanks.
My mind is good but I forget to use it.
My heart is full but I forget to share it.
My spirit is joyful but I forget to show it.
My soul is saved but I forget to tell it.

I sure am enjoying bits and pieces of time to throw together these little collages in my art journal. If it weren't for God, my journaling and art, I'd surely go insane!

Day 29 and counting

A thunder storm can frighten and destroy but also comfort and remind us; God says "I'm still here and I'm in charge. Rest in me!"

The sky darkens.
The trees sway.
Life halts and
The storms pass.

The sky brightens.
The winds cease.
Life smiles as
The storms calm.

The frustrating thing about a stroke is the slowness of recovery and the way it takes a person's life, kills brain cells (and how many memories are lost?), the inconsistent progress (creeps, leaps, stops, reverses). All one can do is hope and pray and wait.

words-mine and others

Zora Hustrom said:
"There are years that ask questions and years that answer." (I'm not sure which this is….I seem to have mostly questions every year.)

Rilke said. "Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek answers you are not ready to understand."

All you need you have. All you want is what you need. So be content. Happy.

Daphne du Maurier said, "Happiness is a quality of thought. A state of mind."

Let go of struggle.
Release everything to God.
Trust His loving perfect path
To an enriched and peaceful life.
Be grateful.
Live simply.
Seek quiet.
Trust God.
A contented life will result.

Day 10 of 27 and counting

My body trembles with fatigue.
My mind aches with fear.
My soul cries for relief.
God is my only source of strength.

HANG ON TO HOPE!

The heavens weep with me.
The birds rejoice with me.
The earth gives way under pressure but
It also upholds my weak body.

All the world wakens
The hawks cry
The birds sing
The crickets chirp
The human pleas
"God, let it be a good day!"

My mind and body are so tired I can't think. Words are scrambled. Hope is weak. Courage is gone but faith is growing a new understanding of what a Christian life is all about.

I am beginning to learn my own sense of strength, patience, and courage.
When another day passes without leaps of improvement I find strength in the fact that God isn't through with the situation.
When I tire of repeated questions and tasks, I know God is tired of the same from me. If He can be patient with me I can certainly be patient with the situation.
When my legs wobble, my knees buckle and my heart skips I trust God for the courage I need to stand another day.

Even though I stand on a foreign deck, tremble at unfamiliar environments and quake at the unknown, I know God is wherever I am, wherever His believers are.

Hidden in Living Color

CAN!

When you think you
Can go no further,
Let God carry you.
When you feel you're
Running on empty,
Allow God to fill you up.
When you think you're
Ready to give up,
Give it to GOD!

day 9

answers come from different places

From a tangled life
Comes a whispering voice,
"The clearing is ahead. Stay the course. Come out of the woods.
Find peace again."

I pray this is so… dreamed of Dad's smile last night. The Talmud says "A dream which is not understood is like a letter which is not opened." His smile was confident in the dream.

The overwhelming dark is illuminated by bliss and serenity of answered prayers.
Life is often difficult to swallow but its sweetness makes it palatable.

from day 8

It's truly amazing where answers come from, where peace is found and where focus is placed. Got to keep positive, stay prayed up, hold to scriptures and trust God.

No matter what

No matter the circumstances
Trust God's leading.
No matter the realities
Follow God's love.
No matter the lack
Accept God's provision.
No matter the fears
Know God's protection.
No matter the fatigue
Feel God's strength.
No matter the absence
Expect God's presence.
No matter what comes
Let God be there.

from day 8

Life matters. Family matters. Caring for those who need help matters. Health matters. Protect yourself, your life and your family.....today could bring change.

No matter the circumstances
Trust God's leading.
No matter the realities
Follow God's love.
No matter the lack
Accept God's provision.
No matter the fears
Know God's protection.
No matter the fatigue
Feel God's strength.
No matter the absence
Expect God's presence.
No matter what comes
Let God be there.

not alone

The cool mountain air revives my fevered soul.
The rolling blue peaks give hope to a weary spirit.
With each revolution of the earth, hope continues.
Faith grows through patience tested.
Life goes on around all, even the inflicted and caregivers

but most of all
Christ reigns for all.

from day 7

Here's a pic of Dad and me on Father's day.

Quiet strength and faith....

A fearful wife and mother
A weary daughter
A fatigued husband and father
Continue the vigil
To health, peace and reunion
Days are long but
Nights are longer
The sun brings hope
But the nights return fears
The mornings give a fresh start to blessings received
The evenings bring tired bodies to question.
The wife and daughter may be worn out and lost
But the Father of all lifts them up.
The health robbed father and husband continues to rebuild a worn body
with God's quiet strength and faith.

from Day 7

Day 24 and Dad is walking assisted, eating small bites of applesauce and water from a spoon,

speech is improved though sometimes confused and disconnected.

Keep praying please. We really believe a miracle is coming!

Mom is so tired and I hate seeing their declined health.

Patience and more patience!

The path of least resistance may not allow growth.
The road with less bumps and turns may not lead to learning.
The way of ease may not teach faith.
The direction of simple comfort may show you unrealistic lessons.

Tribulation worketh patience…patience, experience…experience hope…Romans 5:3

LIFE
IS A TEST OF
A OF YEARS
IN WHICH YOU
PASS OR FAIL

Slow and steady
Wins the race.
Positive attitude
Gets you through.
Prayers and praise
Guides the heart.
Hope and faith
Leads the spirit.
Joy and love
Lifts the soul.

These words come from Day 4 & 5 from my journal.

Image is random recent pics of Dad before the stroke. He was always the storyteller.

Actually got him talking about cars he fixed up when he was young yesterday. That's good for him to retell things and focus on positive, pleasant times. It's good for me too.

More patience!

All the recent posts have been about my Dad and his stroke and recovery. I have been pulling excerpts from my journaling through this experience. I numbered the journaling as Day 1, etc. plus dating and putting the time as usual. Just realized that today's words are from Day 3 (Currently I am at Day 22 since this happened). You can see I journaled quite a bit. Writing helps me absorb, sort and process experiences. I know many people prefer talking to someone but I find that harder. I seem to do better simply talking to God, listening to Him and then writing out how it all fits. Hope my struggles are helping others to realize you are never alone in any situation. God is ALWAYS there but you MUST INVITE HIM IN! Putting your experience into words can help you better understand what you are feeling and how it affects you as a person. May you be blessed and never have to see someone you love change suddenly overnight, losing a part of themselves as well as you and the stress and fear of not knowing if the entire person will be recovered. Small signs of my Dad is there but there's the fear that some of who he was may never return. I find myself having trouble enjoying things he would enjoy since he is not with me in each event. Today is Father's Day. I visited. Took presents and card. Made photos but the usual family meal was missing. The recognition of the light in his eyes of appreciation and enjoyment were not there. Here's hoping he was there in spirit and knew how much I cared he was still with me though altered. Here's hoping for more good family times together.

God of everything!

God of hope and joy
Fill our hearts.
God of abundant peace
Fill our souls.
God of grace and glory
Fill our spirits.
God of love and mercy

Fill our lives.

patience

"Patience learned is patience tested."

My head swims on overload-fatigue and questions.
My body aches over lack of rest and enrichment.
My heart cries over Mom and Dad's condition.
My soul searches for answers and finds more questions.
My spirit seeks will power, hope, and encouragement from the Lord.

The skies through the tall trees give a glimpse of heaven. Is God looking down at me?
Does He approve or does He only see my faults?
Does He feel my pain?
Hope and joy trickle down and I revive for another battle.

Another glimpse into the 11 day hospital vigil after Dad's stroke. We should enjoy every day we have on this earth. We never know when things will turn on a dime and possibly never be the same again. However, I still believe in the power of prayer and the presence of angels and the possibility of miracles. Keep praying with me.

Image is of acrylic, transfer, collage, transparencies and cut text on canvas.

Needs

Hope is a basic human need.
It sustains us in the tough times.
Joy is a necessary like skill.
It gets us through the problems of living.
Peace is a life force.
We find it despite troubles.
Love is forever lifting
Our spirits in good and bad days.

Dad is slowly progressing with rehab but no word as to how much he will recover. It's only day 4 of rehab. Continue the prayers, my fine warriors.

This art journal collage is in his honor and oh so true!

Seeking

God of hope
Help me cope.
God so near
Curb my fear.
God of love
Send healing angels from above.
God of joy
We desire life to enjoy.
God of peace
Day by day we lease.
God of grace
I seek Your face.

Continually seeking God's power. Knowing He is in charge and all will be safe and protected. We must allow God to do His work. We support it through prayer, scripture study and faith in His ability. Image was created after reading Elizabeth Edwards' Resilence.

Life leads you down interesting paths.....

When I wrote the verse below, I did not know my Dad was about to change forever possibly. He is slowly recovering from a stroke and I am glad to say I believe he will receive a miracle in this recovery process. Neither he, mom nor I were completely ready for this to occur but who ever is? You know your parents are aging and you know things will change but you just can't completely be ready. So pray and be ready to lean on God and your Christian friends! Pray with me! Believe with me! Let's do this together!

Know that a life filled with love is a happy life.
Know that a year filled with blessing is a gift.
Know that a month filled with health is incredible.
Know that a day filled with family is memories made.
Know that an hour filled with laughter is healing.
Know that a minute filled with quiet is peaceful.
Know that a moment filled with hope is life.
Know that all things come full circle.

The image was done in my art journal on a sabbatical from the hospital vigil. These are pics of my dad over the years, with color and text in plain old highlighters. He is now in rehab and beginning his recovery process. I will continue to share my writing and notes from this journey as time permits.

My hero!

Sorry to have been away so long but my dad had a stroke on May 31 and is recovering but we are unsure of the how much he can recover. We are exhausted and tired. Please pray and I hopefully will be back to share more soon!

with heart, spirit and soul

listen and speak

with your heart

look and feel

with your spirit

hope and believe

with your soul

No words

She listens to a voice without sound
and somehow still gets the message.
Maybe it was something only she could understand.
Sometimes the messages that come to us in the strangest ways
are the ones we most need to hear.

She feels her soul lighten a bit when the message arrives.
Maybe she will be able to soar now above the pain and fear.
Sometimes she finds it easy and sometimes it is impossible.
Is she losing the faith she desperately hangs onto or
is she just growing again?

She speaks in symbols that no one but God seems to understand.
He listens when no one else does. Maybe they have
their own language just for the two to get.
Sometimes they communicate with no words at all.
Those are the best conversations.

SImple fact!

LIVE DAILY
TO BE WORTHY
OF ALL THE
GOODNESS
IN LIFE!

Image of the sky along Hwy 74 in Cleveland County, NC.

Make me!

Lord, in your mercy….
Make my attitude more understanding.
Make my words softer.
Make my heart lighter.
Make my life exemplary.
Make my mind clear.
Make my spirit true.
Make my ways tempered.
Make my ears alert.
Make my hope a reality.
Make my love real.
Make my faith strong.
Make my joy complete.
AMEN

Image from an international mag ATC Quarterly. Mine is in the lower right (son Matthew's face when he was about 1 year old)

Tests

Waiting is a test in patience.
Fear is a test for faith.
Perseverance is a test for prayer.
Dreams are a test for hope.

Know His G O O D N E S S!

God is good
His work is mysterious
His love is pure
His purpose is hope
His mercy is everlasting
His truth is perfect
His name is prayer.
God is good.

Inspired at Fernwood

Inspired by a rainy day as we plant a Magnolia tree.

with God

only with God

Only with God can I deal with challenge.
Only with God can I find peace in a troubled situation.
Only with God cam I know a Savior's love.
Only with God can I survive anything!

seek

I travel a path of uncertain distance but decided destination.
I seek answers to repeated questions.
I trust God to get me where I need to be and
Give me answers I need to hear.

God is good!

This is a short description of this past week while

with my parents for Dad's anuerysm repair.

Busy day
Long day
Good day
Fear and worry melted into
success and healing
loneliness became family
and friends' familiar faces
tears of anguish
became tears of joy and peace
S~I~G~H R~E~L~I~E~F
And prayers of pleas were answered becoming
Prayers of praise rendered.

Dad's surgery was great! Everything as planned. Left at 615 AM. Call at 850 surgery began. Call at 1040, closing…noon recovery and x rays…one pm….we saw his tired but relieved it was over face….then tears of release as Dad learned his minister and 5 church buddies were waiting with us....(Bob Green, Charlie Harris, Horton Landreth, Herman Brackett, Donald Smart, Pastor Joey)
What a beautiful moment to share with the man responsible for 1/3 of my life (Mom 1/3 and God 1/3) for without them I would not be here to help these two, my mom and dad….

A tired family
Walks toward the lights of home
A healing man taught his daughter

about the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)
He exemplifies them all.
A pure woman worries and frets over details

God is handling but never ceases to do her part.
A fatigued and tired but inspired daughter strives

to be worthy of the two parents God gave her.

Faith Vs Fear

Life-just live it!

Fear is found 326 times in the Bible but FAITH is found 422 times. What should this tell me? Faith is bigger than fear. And what is fear? In the Bible many times it means to reverence the Lord. I must reverence all the time then. I have struggled with fear my entire life and why? Wasted energy. Wasted faith. Wasted time. Wasted PERIOD! If faith is bigger and stronger and used more times in the Bible then why do I let a little thing like fear (which is also a smaller word physically) trample on me and cause me doubt and pain and suffering? Human nature I guess! Sometimes I wish I wasn't so human but I am and the great truths of the Bible see us humans through anything, any day, any time. You just have to go to the scriptures. Read them. Trust them. Live them. I've always heard the phrase "we all have our little crosses to bear". Well, fear must be mine. I want to not fear. I will to not fear. I pray to not fear. So why do I fear? Weakness? Maybe. Faithless? NO!
A favorite verse has carried me through so many fearful times (many of my own making I must add); but this is one of my very favorites of all times.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
So for now I'm going to rest in His righteous hand for a bit. I'm tired and weary from the worry and fear but I'm trying hard to let Faith win out.





This will be the last post for a few days. My Dad is having surgery Monday and I will be out of town with him and Mom. Lift lots of prayers please.

He has it all covered.

The creator of all life

in the comforter of all pain.

The peace of the world

is the hope of everyone.

The Father of Christ

is the answer to any question.

The love of Christ

is the salvation to all who believe.

Nirvana

I walk an overgrown path

fearful of the unknown but

relax in Nirvana and continue

the path leads to my Mecca-

a bench by the creek.

Sun filters through my canopy

of trees created by God.

The woodsy scent is intoxicating

and I drink it in.

This holy moment of peace will

get me through the unknown.

Life doesn't have to be easy to be good--

Only well-lived with great memories of joy and peace.

God is only a thought away so all that all that is needed

is to speak His name and find the peace

that can ease any anxiety.

(I wrote this while praying last weekend at my soul retreat (Fernwood-family property)

for my Dad's upcoming surgery.

Image from art journal explored.

The JOY of the LORD

is my STRENGTH.

The LOVE of the LORD

is my HOPE.

The PEACE of the LORD

is my quest.

The WORD of the LORD

is my journey.

from another's mouth to your ears

If you are a blogger or a blog reader you find yourself obsessed with reading too many blogs. So much is shared that is a common thread among people. Someone else speaks and your heart remembers. Someone else writes something and your soul identifies. Someone else describes something and you think "that could be me.' I read so many blogs I enjoy for content, images, emotions and inspirations. Do you remember Angela Cartwright, the little girl actress? She was a favorite I enjoyed as I grew up and now she's a world class artist and photographer as well. I truly enjoy her artwork and blog. Here is the link to it http://acartwrightstudio.blogspot.com/ and I particularly enjoyed her post on April 17 (Things I've learned) so check it out for yourself and see if you don't get hooked as well. And you just may want to make your own list.

another journal image....this one is digital completely......

From God

Believe the words of you heart

because they were placed there divinely.

Trust the wave of peace in your soul

because God himself dwells there.

Keep the spirit of joy in your life

because you allowed God to minister it to you.

So take time today to just be

and a serenity weill settle on you like no other

because it is of God.

Image from the art journal work this weekend!

Can B A L A N C E be far behind?

Always hopeful and

continuing in prayer,

she follows after God's own heart.

Keeping his spirit by

means of trust is second nature.

Can balance be far behind?

Living the Christian life makes

any situation doable.

Look at those around you.

See their ability

to handle whatever life throws at them.

Observe from afar and

it will lift your hopes and spirit.

See the invaluable lessons of life

as a means to a better life lived fully.

Confidence in trusting the

Holy Guide for everything along the way,

always praying and trying to be the best you can be

will make for a pretty near perfect life.

Image is new watercolor work in progress. Inspired from journal page "Was she ever here?"

The NAME is everything!

believe in healing

trust the great Physician

have faith in life

depend on the Vine

accept guidance along the way

confide in the good Shepherd

realize endings are just new beginnings

turn to the Alpha and Omega

know comfort in your own skin

rely on the Prince of Peace

express gratitude for your many blessings

look to El Shaddi (supplier)

embrace knowledge of God's word

connect with Rabboni (teacher)

cherish His presence everywhere in your life

Be assured with Emmanuel

If you haven't tried custom brushes and cloning in Photoshop Elements, do so.

It's a very versatile and creative tool. That's how this row of images of me was done.

Inspiration from the Soul Journal

Design the page with multicolored spots as an animal print. Use the magazine stencil idea (cut out model and use shape as a stencil, and paint around, careful not to over paint and disturb the spots underneath). Draw lines on part of the page and write a message. I call this Spot Check.

God is only beginning!

When I am weak,

He is strong.

When I am hurting,

He is healer.

When I am lost,

He is seeker.

When I am wavering,

He is steady.

When I am wordless,

He speaks.

When I am confused,

He is reason.

When I am hopeless,

He is dauntless.

When I am blind,

He leads.

When I am fearful,

He is safety.

When I am finished,

He is only beginning.

A favorite day!

M-O-T-H-E-R
"M" is for the million things she gave me,

"O" means only that she's growing old,

"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,

"H" is for her heart of purest gold;

"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,

"R" means right, and right she'll always be,

Put them all together, they spell

"MOTHER,

"A word that means the world to me.
~By Howard Johnson~

And my finished Mother's Day book for my Mom.

Everyday Sacred

Birds sing in flight.

Blooms grace us with beauty.

Angels protect our every move.

God blesses our thoughts of good.

Everyday sacred is our hope.

Prayers of thanks are lifted.

God's word is read for guidance.

Hymns of silence speak to our soul.

Unspoken sermons lead our spirit.

Everyday sacred is our way.

a work in progress

I am a work in progress.

I learn something new everyday.

I have learned to share what I have.

I have learned to say NO!

I have learned I must make my own choices.

I now know that balance comes from knowing

your own self, your own limitations, and your own needs.

Time must be allowed to discover this self knowledge and make use of it.

And this journal page is a work in progress. The swirly maze background was done a couple weeks ago and the shadow figures added yesterday. Time will tell me what to add next.

Balance

To find a quiet moment

and hear a message from within

leads to a feeling of balance.

To care for the soul

and nurture the spirit

leads to a feeling of calm completion.

To trust your Maker

and understand your blessings

leads to a life of joy and peace.

To share your resources

and knowledge

leads to finding your purpose.

To give of your talent

and use your abilities

fulfills your purpose

To lift another's spirit

and increase their self worth

humbles your own life

and gives it a sweetness like nothing else.

Obsession with Woman A to Z continues.

Here's a little sampler.

An Alliterative Association

Find the creative spirit today

the birth of the creative spirit

takes patience,

time

and solitude

to honor the creative spirit

takes love,

diligence

and compassion

to know the creative spirit

takes silence,

focus

and desire

to share the creative spirit

takes generosity,

effort

and consistency

He gets it all done!

God sends both the sun and the rain.
He heals the hurt and the pain.
God holds us up and guides us through;
He knows our damages and provides the glue.
God gives both joy and grace.
Follow Him and see him one day face to face.

Image is for Somerset submission-theme- Aubergine (a shade of purple and also means eggplant), acrylic paint on foam core, paint samples from home improvement store, mod podge

Shadows over New Bern

More digital fun with pics from visiting son last weekend.