past present future

Yesterday is past.


Yesterday is a memory.

Yesterday is gone.

Yesterday is a gift from God.



Today is all we have.

Today is all we need.

Today is a chance to do better.

Today is a gift from God.



Tomorrow is a new day.

Tomorrow holds new hopes and chances.

Tomorrow is full of promise.

Tomorrow is a gift from God.

Today

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Today is the only day I can live.

Today is the way to a better tomorrow.

Today is the way from an imperfect yesterday.

Today is all I have.

all words and images are original unless otherwise stated.

feel free to use but please reference me or the blog.

Thanks,

Chris<><

if you don't ask you can't receive

Lord, in your mercy,


Do not let me lose sight of joy that still exists.

Do not keep perfect vision of hope unclear.

Do not allow me to stumble on the right path.

Do not stop my dreams from becoming reality.

Do not prevent me to starve my insecurity.

Amen

if wishes came true

I wish I could simply speak my mind without apology. I want to simply live my life without excuse. I need to simply go my God-directed path without regret. I desire a day to day existence without defense. I pray to simply breathe without need for simple confession to what it takes to inhale and exhale. I have to simply subsist without justification. I will go on after all this drama and fear ends simply with no need for explanation. I am continuing simply with no pretense of being what others expect or need or want me to be for their own comfortable life. This is my manifesto! This is my constitution. This is my vow. This is my hope for simply surviving the remaining days on this earth without inauthenticity.

Most of the time, you already know the answers!

I stand empty and shivering in the last days of my winter’s discontent.
Believe in your life’s purpose and listen to God’s directions.

Study your thoughts and expect God to lead them.

Go into the night gently and find rest for your weary soul that God placed there.

Expect God’s blessings to continue to flow and know your worth is far above rubies.

So how do I believe what good I write and ignore what worries me?

How do I trust what I know in my heart is God’s power and will and love?

When do I follow his divine order and feel the almighty potential he lays in front of me?

Where do I leave my burdens and troubles and forget to go back and get them again?

Who knows the answers to all my deepest troubles?

Why do I not just trust God to take them all into his capable hands and make them disappear?

What is wrong with me, a person of great confidence in God and my convictions?


So here I sit, I know my life is good. I have to just act like I believe it. That’s half the battle. Half of all the good we experience in life is by choice and belief. If you act like your happy then you can be happy. If you smile you can find a little happiness. If you look for good, you will find it. If you work at your goals with the expectance of them coming true, they can. You must open up to the possibilities of all the “good” that is waiting for you, to see them. If you blink or waste one minute fretting, you lose the chance.

think like you wish to be

A gentle wave of air flows through a field of broom straw


But a strong wave of fear moves through my body.

A bright sun sears my soul with comfort and warmth.

But a bright light of heat burns into my heart with doubt and anger.

The bare trees of winter stand swelling with the beauty of spring hope

But I stand empty and shivering in the last days of my winter’s discontent.


Believe in your life’s purpose and listen to God’s directions.

Study your thoughts and expect God to lead them.

Go into the night gently and find rest for your weary soul that God placed there.

Expect God’s blessings to continue to flow and know your worth is far above rubies.

So how do I believe what good I write and ignore what worries me?

How do I trust what I know in my heart is God’s power and will and love?

When do I follow his divine order and feel the almighty potential he lays in front of me?

Where do I leave my burdens and troubles and forget to go back and get them again?

Who knows the answers to all my deepest troubles?

Why do I not just trust God to take them all into his capable hands and make them disappear?

What is wrong with me, a person of great confidence in God and my convictions?

So here I sit, I know my life is good. I have to just act like I believe it. That’s half the battle. Half of all the good we experience in life is by choice and belief. If you act like your happy then you can be happy. If you smile you can find a little happiness. If you look for good, you will find it. If you work at your goals with the expectance of them coming true, they can. You must open up to the possibilities of all the “good” that is waiting for you, to see them. If you blink or waste one minute fretting, you lose the chance.

one day... maybe today.....

One day I will tear down the walls that surround my heart.

One day I will remove the shards of glass that pierce my soul.

One day I will get rid of the pain that sears my spirit.

One day I will delete the negative thoughts that raid my mind.

Lord, in your mercy, I pray that day is today.

Pain and suffering teach us to persevere with Christ.

Doubt and questions help clarify our faith in Christ.

Anger and frustration propel us to cling to Christ.

Hopelessness and misery leads us to stay with Christ.

hiding in words and images

I hide within my journal. I disguise myself with my images. I go deep within my imagination and try to disappear there. It seldom lasts though. A call, an issue, or a problem presents itself just as I almost disappear completely. I wish I could. I wish I could just walk into one of my pieces and become a part of it. I could become the blue sky and float away or I could turn into one of the textured rocks and meld with it. Maybe I could become a paper doll and have a whole new personality. Perhaps I could simply be the letter E on the page and be multiplied enough times to not even be seen anymore. I would like to find a new life in a simple wash of cerulean and opera on a smooth piece of watercolor paper. A drizzle of cadmium yellow running down the piece of paper and becoming a sunshiny flower, would be perfection. A new piece of busy, collage would be a wonderful place to conceal my true identity. A thesaurus page of synonyms for joy or a dictionary page of peaceful terms could sincerely send me away into euphoria. This would be my escape. This would be my saving grace. This would be my idea of new life.

questions and simply focusing

Simply focus on the blue patches of sky between the gray clouds.


Simply release the negative thoughts and trade them for positive ones.

Simply choose to be grateful for all the many blessings.

Simply believe in God’s strength building power.

Simply trust and accept God’s divine order.

Simply increase your faith and shrink your doubt.

Simply give from your heart and improve your attitude.

Simply forgive and forget.

Simply allow your anger to shrink and your calm will grow.

Simply surrender to God what is God’s and let the days take you where they will.

Well, maybe it’s not all that simple but with concerted effort and practice you can become better.

find the words and pretend

It’s okay to pretend I’m somewhere else, somebody else, something else.

It’s okay to pretend I have a normal life, normal thoughts and act normal.

It’s okay to pretend to be a good artist, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter, a good person.

It’s okay to pretend I am happy, content, talented, concerned, real.

It’s okay to pretend I am authentically artistic, creative, imaginative, inventive, original, inspired, resourceful, innovative, ingenious, unique.

imprinted

Imprinted by God at birth

We must stay the course charted.

By God’s own design

We live by purpose.

At the hand of God

We trust and accept our path.

Through his grace we

Remain strong till our final breath.

(maybe image will load next time)

Sun and Shadow thoughts

My darkest thoughts don’t even scare me anymore.

My scariest memories don’t even freak me out anymore.

My deepest emotions don’t even relieve me anymore.

My strangest fantasies don’t even save me anymore.

Stuck in the shadows I seek a sliver of light.

Lost in the disappointments, I look for the tiniest hope.

Gone with the last ounce of optimism, I give in to the despair.

Broken in my core, I no longer find any peace.

Entirely depleted of spirit, I give up my last ounce of courage.

Drained of any soul, I feel like an empty shell incapable of ever finding joy again.

Study your heart and dissect it emotion by emotion.

Examine your soul and analyze it feeling by feeling.

Scrutinize your spirit and investigate it piece by piece.

Consider your life and review it year by year.

Find what is good and positive.

Discover what is hopeful and pleasant.

Realize what is joyful and blessed.

Accept what is dark and forgettable….and let it go with the wind of change.

Understand how the anger and fear make you stronger.

Believe that the bad days and worse nights you have already conquered are your catalysts.

This is your life, the one you have been blessed with and the one you have lived, endured, and survived.

Everyone has a difficult life. Everyone is blessed. Everyone is hurt. Everyone is saved. Everyone is a living message. Everyone is a reason to inspire. Everyone is a purpose in this world. We give others a chance to feel hope. We extend to all a reason to keep breathing. We inspire everyone to keep facing another day of uncertain outcomes. Even the quietest, simplest soul has volumes of encouragement to shout.

You are life to many.

She is life to many.

I am life to MYSELF!!!

“Let God do his work and it will work” Robin Roberts’ doctor’s wife and mother-in-law

Why do we have to endure pain to heal?

Why do we have to bear problems to find solutions?

Why do we have to tolerate suffering to experience hope?

Why do we have to go the distance to get to where we want to be in the first place?

Why do we have to undergo change to become better?

Why do we have to withstand troubles to know victories?

Why do we have to brave the storms to realize the sunny days?

Healing is a process.

Cures are not just in medical procedures.

Remedies are found in the sunshine.

Restoration comes with the flowers in spring.

Recovery is possible even in the cleansing rains.

How do some inspire us and others defeat us?

Why do some strengthen us and others weaken us?

“Being optimistic is like a muscle that gets stronger with use.” Robin Roberts

“Focus on the fight, not the fright.” Robin Robert’s coworker

“Make your mess your message”. Robin Roberts’ mother

“Left foot. Right foot. Breathe” RR

Many days, the Lord speaks to me through the simplest way.

Life is my church.

The sun is my light of hope.

The sky is my cathedral.

The rain is my baptism.

The birds are my choir.

Every breath is a prayer.

waves of fear and faith is normal

God can transform fear to faith.

God can lift great burdens.

God can perform miracles.

God can love everyone.

God can forgive sins.

God can forget mistakes.

God can move obstacles.

God can meet any need.

God can build something out of nothing.

more God talk

Lord, in your mercy…are you truly listening? Remove my depression. Strengthen my spirit. Restore my soul. Lighten my heart. Save my mind. Heal my body. Amen.

His unfailing love will see us ALL through but will he give me some carefree day, months and years? I fear when all this ends I will have nothing left for me. I fear I will be old and sick myself or Terry will be or some other problems will attack me and take my life. I feel like the best years of my life are over.



Fill me up Lord. Fill me with your presence to overflowing with only your peace.

Where's the girl that was?

A cold cerulean sky and an even colder white blanket in the northern shade

keeps my heart from finding warmth, prevents my soul from finding rest and my body from knowing peace.

How do I get truly past this struggle to balance my responsibilities with my passions?

A brisk chilling wind causes me to brace against a hopeless feeling of loss.

Swaying with the bare trees as snow continues to blow off them; I seek equilibrium to hold me up.

Hungry birds feed continually on the seed but I find a deep craving that is dissatisfied.

Where is my sustenance, my satisfaction, my stability?

My Simple Prayer

Lord, in your mercy, hold those I love close.

Guide us in your will.

Order our steps on your path.

Forgive our mistakes and sins.

Continue to bless us.
We love and adore you.

Amen.

life thoughts along the path

Know how to be all you can be for goodness sake.

Don’t waste a single breath arguing or being unhappy.

Give all you have to anyone who needs it.

Don’t get to the end of life and have any regrets.

Believe in the power of positive thinking.

Don’t allow any grievance to rob a single moment of your life.

Learn from daily life observances.

Watch nature and see how it balances.

Listen to the inner voice that is God and know his purpose for you.

Feel the hope that exists in a world that reverences divine order.

Taste the freedom of living a life without fear.

Sniff the beauty of free will and choice.

Happy Valentine's Day

healing can happen

I can barely breathe deeply.

My breath catches in my chest.

My hope catches in my spirit.

My faith catches in my soul.

My love catches in my heart.

but... healing does come if we

Look with your eye’s compass.

Think with a mindful compass.

Feel with a heart’s compass.

Speak through your considerate compass.

Hear through a godly compass.

a week earlier

you never know when things can get worse...now dealing with the paperwork and guilt...I am thankful all are safe and unharmed...I hope they are not having the emotional roller coaster ride I am experiencing.

Lord, in your mercy, what do you want me to do?  I am so confused and lost in this. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Please show me. Help me. Help them.
Remove the shiver in my spine when I start “what if-ing”. Calm the rumbles in my stomach when I have to go up there. Take away the doubts I can do this. Give me unending energy and uncommon strength. Help me have the right words when I have talk them about difficult decisions. Help me make the right decisions for all. Show me what to do and when and how. Make it all right. I love them but I can’t live their lives and mine much longer. Actually, I can’t live theirs instead of mine. How do I get them to see this?
Why can’t the change for a better situation come as easily and quickly as all this started? That’s not the way life works. I know I can’t have all I want. I know everything can’t go my way. I know you have the answers and I know I have to trust you to lead me, show me and be with me, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. When I mess up, when I get it right and when I do nothing at all.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for being there. Thanks for not leaving me alone.

I love you Lord.

Amen.

in an instant - change

February 7, 2013


It started like a usual day going to Caroleen. I slept poorly and dreaded the day and trip which today extended to Asheville for a sleep study informational class. Bathed, had devotions and left. But it progressed to an automobile accident where the Scion was totaled but we were not. Thank God, it could have been so much worse. However I feel so bad about it all. Back in Rutherford County, I was pulling out of the road from Rite Aid to cross a road between two parking lots to the Food Lion. I turned my head for a second to speak to Mom in the back (yes, a distraction). I looked back. Dad spoke “watch out” or something and BOOM! I hit a pickup truck in the passenger door. Air bags deployed and all were shaken up and sore but nothing serious. We all declined a hospital visit. I knew it was my fault and apologized numerous times but never felt it was enough. All the legal and medical stuff was finished. Opal and Wayne came to drive us home. Everyone was so nice. The EMT’s and the officers. Yes, I got a ticket. No surprise. Officer even apologized for it but air bag deployment dictates it. I have a court date on March 11 but he said insurance letter should cancel it. We will see. The cost will be $240. ($50 ticket and $190 court cost)

I stayed the night to make sure no complications arose later. Seemed to be just usual soreness and shaky nerves. We slept a little but not great. I got them breakfast and did the usual maintenance jobs and went by the wrecker service to get more stuff from the car and came home to recharge where I stretched out on the bed for half an hour, talked to Terry, fixed lunch, took a shower and started laundry. Watched Big Bang Theory and Nashville on tape.

Lord, in your mercy…

5 PM
I want to say, “Lord Where were you but you were there.” No one was seriously injured.

I want to go home to my quiet little haven but I know I need to stay and make sure all is okay.

Psalm 30

I called you, Lord. You healed and spared us.

Praise you.

Weeping last for the night but joy comes in the morning.

Turn my wailing to laughter.

Make me dance with spirit.

Lord, I will give you thanks forever.

Amen.

Keep us safe from here out.

I think we should not replace Scion and put any insurance money in the Equity account. It will be hard to convince them. BUT THEY WILL NOT BE DRIVING!

February 8, 2013

1 AM

Can’t sleep…nervous…IBS…worry…fear
Lord, in your mercy, end my nightmares….show me answers that fulfill your will for us all….
6 AM

Made it through the night with a few wakings but no troubles since Dad’s typical weak spell. Matthew came up to stay a bit. He was a great help. (He came for a couple hours just for hugs, support and help.) Made me feel better.

Lord, in your mercy, here’s to better days.
My nerves are still shot from the whole ordeal. My body is still fatigued over the spotty sleep and whole ordeal. My mind is still spinning with what ifs, if onlys and whys, the spotty sleep and whole ordeal.

I will survive this too.
There are no answers to whys.
NEG: no Scion, unnecessary angst, new fears, new obstacles, ticket, court date, insurance issues and questions about car replacement (and we just got new tires)
POS: no serious injuries, maybe one less car to deal with, less costs in the end, new opportunity to learn Fruit of the Spirit, maybe a step to help and hope of better days
Psalm 6

Be merciful to me for I am faint, heal me for my bones are in agony…my soul is in anguish, how long O Lord, how long? Turn to me and deliver me. Save me with your unfailing love. I am worn out from my moaning. Flood my life with tears of joy. My eyes grow weak with sorrow. You have heard my cry for mercy and accepted my prayer.

I could stare at the mountains all day and forever, seeking strength.

I could stare at the ocean forever seeking healing from waters.

I could sit in a garden for days knowing life’s truth.

I could study the Psalms for the rest of my life and learn peace.

(these words came to me on the way down the mountain)

survival of the artist

Art is my therapist. 

Watercolor quenches my thirst.

Journaling feeds my soul.

Collage holds my psyche together.

Sketching expresses my spirit.

I paint life in rose color shades and blue hues.

I escape life’s little crises by creating less than perfect images and delusional visions of hope.

I will never lose the last piece of my mind as long as I have art to insulate my weak little neurons from destruction.

A little paint, paper, glue, scripture, prayer, faith, hope and Celexa keep me steady on my feet moving from day to day.

I fit the pieces of life together like a puzzle using any adhesive necessary and available to keep me from falling apart.

questions and answers

Lord, in your mercy,


Why are there no simple answers?

Why are there no guarantees against suffering?

Why are there no tried and true plans and programs to fix such complicated life changes?

Why are there no easy ways out?

Why are there no family loop holes?

Why should grace and mercy be enough?

Why can I not accept this difficulty and gain strength form it?

Why can’t I find the answer I need and just go with it?

Why can I not just take things calmly as they come and deal and move on?
It’s not my nature but ....

journaling answers questions

When will I be a vessel for his will?

When I finally trust his will.

When will I be a path for his love?

When I finally allow his love to drive my every word and deed.

When will I be a channel for his wisdom?

When I finally utilize his wisdom in every decision in life.

When will I be a way for his joy?

When I finally live a life of joy and blessings.

When will I be a witness for his mercy?

When I finally accept his mercy every day.

When will I be an instrument for his peace?

When I finally extend a peaceful attitude to everyone I meet.