Heavenly Anniversary

    

Today is mom and dad’s 64^th wedding anniversary. They loved and cared for each other in every situation life threw at them. I regale that they are together in heaven with the Lord and celebrating Christmas with the original cast of characters. This is not a flip comment. This is an awesome opportunity and reality. I can’t wait to be there with them and celebrate every day, worship every day, and see prayers answered every day. Life is pretty amazing. The Hereafter is going to be incredible.

 

I challenge you

Yesterday was a pleasant day. I found true Christmas joy.  A funny man in a Santa beard and hat sang very badly I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS while ringing a bell for Salvation Army. A couple dressed in Hawaiian shirts shared Mele Kalikimaka and rang their bells for Salvation Army. I dropped off goodies at Carillon Assisted Living and visited some folks needing a lift. I was lifted more. I visited Terry’s aunt, in the bed worn out from the previous day’s doctor appointment. I saw shoppers at Walmart with buggies full of toys and food they probably couldn’t afford trying to make a Merry Christmas for their family. I saw a woman in a motorized chair crossing a busy intersection at that same Walmart.

 

Every year I want a simple Christmas, a true Christmas, with joy and love and peace and harmony. Every year I get too much. Every year I buy too much, not as much as once but still too much. I give to charities and food banks and toy drives but it’s just not enough. I watch wonderful Christmas movies with wholesome stories. I listen to Christmas music. I send Christmas cards I hand make and print myself. It’s still not enough.

 

I want to have a Christmas like it is meant to be. I want to truly celebrate Jesus’ birth. I want to have peace and joy in my heart and extend it to everyone else. I want to spend time with family and friends harboring no ill against anyone. I want to feel the simple bliss of God’s presence. I want to not put myself above anyone or anything.

 

This year for the first time my husband and I both are orphans. Our parents are in heaven. They will rejoice with God and the angels and all the other friends and family there. We will have our time together with our son and his wife. It will be sweet and quiet. We will exchange gifts, watch a Christmas movie or two, and share our meals.

 

We will pray and be earnest in our heart that everyone has a day with no illness, hunger, fear or need. Christmas will pass and lives will move forward in routine and thought. Will we carry the Christmas spirit into the New Year? Will we continue to share our bounty? Will we forget to smile and say a kind greeting? Will we forget to extend our faith and blessings? Will we give selflessly to all? Will we worship and pray? Will we remember how important a faith based life is to a world hurting?

 

I challenge you to think on this. Don’t let another 365 days go by without a thought of Peace on Earth.

God is our everything!

He is our answer to all things.

He is our hope in every day matters.

He is our peace in trouble.

He is our joy in times of sadness.

He is our blessing when things seem bleak.

He is our grace when none seems available.

He is our mercy when we need it most.

He is our path when lost.                                           

He is our abundance when scarcity is present.

He is our answer in all things.

a Christmas prayer

Lord,

Clear my mind except with your good things—faith, hope and love.

Focus my eyes on your creation, your mission and my part in it.

Place in my mouth your truth, message and words of encouragement to share with all.

Enter my heart and fill it with all your blessings of grace that I may serve others.

Strengthen my faith so that I can share with those who don’t know you.

Give my arms the power to lift up your word.

Give my feet the path you want me to travel for your cause.

Keep my hands open not to receive but to extend to others in need.

This is only a beginning but I feel if I do this I can find the place I should be at this stage of my life.

In Christ’s name, Amen.

Years of Happy

 

Christmas approaches rapidly. I have the small stuff left to do…but I feel the crunch…BUT I want to enjoy this time of year that has always been sacred, joyful, and magical all at the same time. I am missing mom and dad and I will on Christmas. It will be real then. They are gone but they are in the ultimate place of joy, holy and peace (above earth). Maybe not above, but just beside us in a totally different realm. They will be with me. They will be in my heart. They will be in our spirit. I will honor them with thought and memories of all the wonderful ones we shared.

·         The year I wanted a monkey and dump truck

·         The year I remember the tree at my Grandma Fannie’s with all the tinsel

·         The year mom and I sat in the car waiting for dad to lock up before going to church, I knew he was sneaking mom’s barstools in from the front porch and she knew he was slipping in my TV

·         The year we left the color wheel turning on the silver tree and it stuck and melted while at church

·         The year dad and I went to his grandpa Felix (my great grandpa) to get aunt Kat’s door prize and brought her back to get ours (about 4 in the morning)

·         That same year I had a tape recorder and have my great grandpa’s voice on it, years later my dad wanted to hear it again; I found a place online in Pennsylvania who was able to put that old reel to reel on a CD, best gift I ever gave my dad, cost me $100 and it was worth every penny

·         The first year Terry and I were married

·         The first Christmas with Matthew

·         The year Matthew got his first bike

·         The year he didn’t like the idea of a birthday cake for Jesus, because he thought it was like eating Jesus

·         They first Christmas with Matthew and Molly

 

These are only a few memories of so many wonderful ones. I continue to be blessed to have people I love with me each Christmas. Recognizing the true spirit of Christmas, celebrating Christ’s birth, being with loved ones and sharing good food and time with each other.

 

I admit I still look for a perfect Christmas movie Christmas but the truth is I have had many of them.

 

 

 

Believe in the meaning of Christmas!

Spread the word

a star led them

they followed a star

brightly shining in the night

leading to a family of three

where love was born and

peace was found

Determined

Each year for about a dozen years, I have chosen a focus word rather than resolutions. I choose something I need to work on, something I’m weak in, or something I am led to which can help me grow. I have chosen faith, prayer, thankful, resilient, hope, joy, and clarify, to name a few. Strangely, near year’s end, I start seeing a particular word here and there and everywhere. It never fails. I am led to the word.

 

For 2017 I chose determined.  As I study and research and practice these words, I seek quotes about it that teach me something. I look for Bible verses and devotions that fit the word and also enlighten me. I have never felt extremely strong to deal with challenges and problems but the past several years have proved me wrong. This year has maybe been my hardest. It always seems to be the current situation that is worse but dealing with mom and her final stage of Alzheimers was very difficult.  The year is nearly over. Mom is gone. I began with the “determination” to make it through. With a few weeks left, I have learned I can be a determined woman who is stronger than she realized. I can deal with situations I once thought would break me. Actually thought they could finish me.

 

Since a child I have had a nervous stomach. Since the eighties, I have dealt with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), the D kind. Diarrhea to be honest. In the beginning I lost lots of weight from not eating much. Someone asked me if I did Weight Watchers. I told them I had IBS. They understood. I take medication for the IBS, as well as some nerve and depression meds to keep my system calm. I often know how to head off situations by controlling what I eat and when. The weight came back unfortunately, mostly due to menopause, thyroid and age. Well, maybe this is TMI but I felt the urge to share more of my truth here. My truth can help others deal with their own truth.

 

Back to my word, determination, I have been extra determined as of late to be strong, spiritually, physically and mentally. Getting through the long hard years, taking care of mom and dad, has proven it. There were days I really thought I would not make it. With determination and God’s grace and mercy, I did. There will be more challenges. Life is full of them. God will see me through.

Psalm 91:11

Christmas Beckons as Fall subsides

Acorns tap dance on the neighbor’s tin roof

Leaves of red and gold waltz against a blue sky

Autumn’s dance contest is always a winner

 

Bon fire smoke drifts through the air

Pumpkin pie spice is everywhere

Autumn scents create wondrous perfumery

 

Crows caucus in the nearby field

Mocking birds mimic the current hits

Autumn jingles serenade waiting fans

 

Hope’s lullaby gives comfort to loss

Faith’s sonnet lends contentment to mourners

Autumn concludes a season of grief

a prayer

Use me Lord.

Give me your guidance.

Show me what I do wrong, gently.

Help me know what you expect of me.

Bless my life and family to be together for a long time.

Create a purpose for me to live out my days.

Allow me to bless others and inspire a better world.

Amen.

 

 

 

latest ART blessing

Somerset Studios GALLERY is available at Books A Million, Barnes & Noble, and through
https://stampington.com/somerset-gallery

Begin with a grateful heart

Every day should be a ThanksLiving day. We should never stop counting our blessings. We should never stop showing our gratefulness. We should never forget our Gratitude Attitude. I have so many things to give thanks for. I forget sometimes. I fail to take the time. I find myself ignoring the fact that I am fortunate. I really want to be grateful in Much and grateful in Little. I want to be happy with what I have. I want to be content. I want to want what I have and ignore what I don’t need. I will find a way to be all God wants me to be. I want to share my blessings. I want to help others realize their blessings. Using the word I is overdone but it sure does make sense when trying to improve myself.

 

Twenty-four days till Christmas.

Thirty days till a brand new year.

Three hundred and ninety-five days to work harder for the Lord, to give of yourself to others, and to be closer to your Maker. It’s time to realize that in my life. It’s time for the world to realize this. It’s time to have a strong voice. If we as Christians don’t speak up now it will be too late for so many. It is overwhelming to realize how many people do not know God, believe there is a God. I really want to see a world centered in Christ living faith based lives. If you look at any news source you hear about all the horrible things people do to each other. This is not the world God created. He created a world of balanced beauty. He gave us amazing things to see, experience and enjoy. Gradually, the enemy is trying to trick people into ignoring, forgetting and destroying this gift. I challenge you to pray harder, believe stronger, and do what God intended. Live for Christ. Lead someone to Christ. Believe in the power of Christ’s love.

grief is different for everyone

I miss mom and feel like she’s up the road at Carillon or home. She is home but not in Caroleen. She’s in heaven, her real home, her place of eternal rest, peace, joy, worship and praise. I don’t have to worry about her. Missing her is easier for me than all the worry I had over her. As stated so many times I grieved long before the day she died. I grieved even before she developed Alzheimers.  I grieved every time she worried over family drama and situations. I grieved every time she lost joy to those same situations. I grieved every time she lost her temper at what she thought others were thinking and saying about family members. I grieved every time she was sick or hurt. I grieved every time she let life circumstances rob her of peace. I grieved when I learned she and dad still had financial issues in their later years. I grieved when she did show first signs of dementia. I grieved when she couldn’t remember what we just discussed. I grieved when she couldn’t use the phone. I grieved when she didn’t know her own reflection and became angry at someone wearing her clothes. I grieved when she could no longer call my name. I grieved when she could no longer control her thoughts and emotions. I grieved when she could no longer eat solid food. I grieved when she could no longer feed herself. I grieved when she no longer had any enjoyment in life except for a brief moment when she first saw me come in.

 

So, you see, I have grieved lots for years. I am out of grief. My tears have dried up. My pain has subsided. My loss is over. She’s in heaven with dad, her parents, siblings, and God. Yes, I will miss her till I’m there too but I will no longer grieve. She is where she should be.

Prayer Plea for Healing our World's ills

Dear Lord,
                       You are the God of all things POSSIBLE. Heal our world. Every day the news gets more difficult to hear. I think Sodom and Gomorrah are growing rampantly across the world. Life is hard on good days but all the anti-Christ issues, the Biblical neglect and the mainstream religions being inclusive to the point of breaking God's sacred word is, well, a very scary thing. I think it's time we all get on our knees, pray, cry out and plead with You to handle this mess we've created.
                         God, you are the divine answer to the world's ills. I pray Christians will believe this as well and do all they POSSIBLY can to support the Ten Commandments, Scripture and Christ centered churches.
                                                                              In your Son, Christ's name,
                                                                               Amen

God can help!

 

God can:

Eradicate sin and replace with goodness

Eliminate fear and increase faith

Stop dread and allow looking forward

Remove darkness and unleash light

Release strongholds and replace with fresh mercies

Restore faith and fortify life

Replenish blessings with unbelievable grace

Cultivate love and grow empathy

Teach compassion and demonstrate caring

Encourage forgiveness and promote charity

Blessed beyond belief

courage to fight and influence a better world

 

 

 

Now is what we have.

Yesterday is gone.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Live joyfully.

Drink in all of life.

Share life with those who matter.

Be grateful.

Take care of yourself, body, mind and soul.

Talk to God.

Keep things simple.

Get enough rest.

Never stop learning.

Breathe deeply.

Give to others.

Say thank you and please and forgive me.

 

Fight for a better world!

Make every day Thanks Living!

reflections of MOM

Mom was broken and only a few people knew. Most outsiders saw her as privileged and having it all. She had a loving husband, a good daughter, a nice home and a good paying but hard job. She spent too much time working when she was sick. She took time off for her parents. She worried. She slept. She could always sleep, thank goodness. I never sleep if I’m worried or sick.

 

Mom also let other people get to her. Whether they spoke purposely or unknowingly, mom always thought certain people flouted her, insulted her, played her or picked at her and she was totally undone by it. Thus, she (and dad and I) missed good times with family and friends. Mom missed much good and happiness by letting these things bother her. As a young person, I often asked why she let it get to her. Ignore it. Let it go. Forget it.  Shoot it back at them. All these things I told her and she tried none of it.

 

Mom died recently. I know now mom is no longer upset, frustrated or worried. That gives me great comfort. It also gives me great advice. Waste no time, energy or sleep over things that don’t mean a hill of beans, yep, one of those great old southern clichés.  I must admit. I have but not in the same way she wasted so much of her life. Things that don’t matter once we are dead also don’t mean anything when we are alive.

 

Long story short, life is short. Spend it well. Love. Laugh. Give. Be grateful.

still getting back to myself

slowly but surely with God's help

Angels are around us everywhere all the time!

life is funny but sometimes it works

I'm 62 today and I thank my sweet mom for my life, all she taught me to be and all she sacrificed for me. I love you Mom!

 

 

been working on this a couple days

guess it's as good a time as any to share

 

I walked through raining leaves of rust and gold.

Memories ran down my face.

                                                                   I hummed an old hymn.                                                                     

The melody danced around my heart.

I felt God’s grace in my broken soul.

Psalms restored me.

I finally felt whole in my life.

God’s faithfulness put me back together.

 

thoughts of never again

never again will I get bad news about my parents
never again will I cringe at a certain phone number
never again will I worry over my parents' health
never again will I doubt they are happy
never again will I wonder what they need
never again will I wonder if I'm doing enough for them
never again will I feel life is unfair to them
never again will I be sad for their limited life
never again will I ask why they had to age

some never-agains are good

take the leap of faith needed

release and receive

 

releasing your mom is necessary to receive her as you angel mom

Happiness is contagious

light

 

 

 

Life weary

I am tired but

God holds me and I rest in his embrace if only to the end of this sentence

 

Lost and broken

I need repair but

God glues the pieces of my life together again with his super glue of divine love

 

Hurt and questioning

I still feel confused but

God has the balm and the answers to both

 

Dark and scared

I tremble but

God is my light and protection

to my favorite veterans

 

Broadus Lee Quinn, Korean War

 

Harry Sims Tessnear, WWII

 

thanks guys

the Army made you who you are

she lives in my heart

 

and always will

tiny step by tiny step

I try to walk by faith

inch by inch

I try to move by trust

grace by grace

I try to shift by hope

 

 

God can

God can:

Eradicate sin and replace with goodness

Eliminate fear and increase faith

Stop dread and allow looking forward

Remove darkness and unleash light

Release strongholds and replace with fresh mercies

Restore faith and fortify life

Replenish blessings with unbelievable grace

Cultivate love and grow empathy

Teach compassion and demonstrate caring

Encourage forgiveness and promote charity

i am ok but it's time to educate people about Alzheimers Disease

Everyone keeps checking in to see if I’m okay. Is it weird that I am okay? I don’t think I’m too broken because I was already broken from the past years dealing with her health, mind, decline and so forth. I had already lost my mother. She wasn’t dead but she could no longer really communicate, respond or participate in life with me.

Yes, I miss her terribly but I have for quite some time. I did not have a mother for the last six years or so. She was already with Alzheimer when dad had his stroke. The decline sped up after dad died and the last couple years.

 

I read somewhere today that once you have Alzheimer you continue to decline until death. That’s exactly what happened. It’s a sad cruel disease. It sneaks up on you stealing little thoughts and memories. Then it begins to steal days and eventually people, even your own family and best friends. Then it removes your abilities to dress yourself, feed yourself and at some point interest in food is gone completely. What surprises many people, is why Alzheimer kills; it is the simple reason that the brain is the computer of a body. It tells the body how to move, the lungs to breathe, the tongue and throat how to chew and swallow and for heart to pump blood through the body. We take our bodies for granted. God is a masterful artist, scientist, designer, and creator.

If only God could tell us how to cure it. For years my family was terrified of cancer. They wouldn’t even say the word. Now, every time someone forgets something, they say, “It’s not that. I don’t have it.”  Sadly, one of mom’s two remaining sisters is following the same pattern. She can’t see it. She doesn’t want to start the medicine. She doesn’t want to think about it, if she can.

 

This is the many faces of Alzheimer.

       

                                        terror          dissatisfaction      manic               disinterested

 

 

Emotions change rapidly and caregiving takes love, patience and understanding. The caregiver goes through the same emotions as the afflicted. I don’t think I should share these photos but I must. People need to understand the horror of Alzheimers Disease.

comfort in God's word

 

the family continues to heal and live with loss

the family leans on God and his word

the family prays

the family checks in on each other

the family sticks together

Written for me to share

if you aren't familiar with the ee cummings poem (I carry your heart), please read it.....

reflections after Mom's passing

 

 

Life weary

I am tired but

God hold me and I rest in his embrace if only to the end of this sentence

 

Lost, broken

In need of repair but

God can glue the pieces of my life together with his own super glue

 

Hurt, questioning

I am still confused by life but

God has the balm and answers to every pain and inquiry

 

Dark, scared

I tremble but

God is my light and protector