looking for answers

Can one catch old age?

Now that my parental caregiving has ended, I’m tired. I need caregiving.

When I wake up in the morning I want to stay there.

When the weather is yucky I want to stay home.

When there are chores to do, I find too many reasons I can’t do them.

When someone wants to go somewhere I have no energy or excitement to go.

When I do have a day I have energy to go, do or work, I’m wiped out for days.

 

Is this just my own aging taking over or is it something I caught from mom and dad. Does anyone else feel this way? How do we fix it? Can we fix it?

 

Late night

Slow morning start

God is my energy

Just be

Just unplug

God is my source

Quiet mind

Sacred time

God is my spirit

 

Achy, tired, IBS, and doubt.  I need help. I skipped Sunday school and I feel useless and worn out. If this is going to be the rest of my life, I’m finished. God, call me home. If I can get it back, a little energy and joy, God, keep me going.

 

How do people find their energy and strength?

How can I find mine?

Prayer

Scripture

Hope

Exercise

Nutrition

Art

 

Please, God, help me.

 

Do I need rest? Do I need medication? Do I need procedures? Do I need surgery? Do I need patience? Do I need faith? Do I need spunk? Do I need hope? Do I need exercise? Do I need therapy?

God, show me, guide me, help me. Whatever I do, I cannot do it without you.

 

One more question. Is this part of grief? It’s been nearly 5 months. How long does it take to move forward, find new direction and increase motivation? I hopefully settle mom’s estate in a couple weeks. Maybe that will finally give me the

closure and fresh start I need so desperately?

 

Please weigh in. is this normal?

I definitely know this. Without God it can never get better. Without art I can never find any joy or peace. Without family and friends I can never move on.

 

Am I just feeling the weight of the world on me?

I am not responsible for others’ troubles when I did not create them.

 

and thought that someday everything would be fixed, great, and all bad things would be behind her.

 

Instead she’s dragging herself through life.

Every little creature jumps up and bites her.

She’s always the one who gives in or gives up.

Others expect her to change and adapt.

All think she can do it, skip it or just be ok.

She’s tired of it.

She’s broken.

She’s ignored.

She’s not going to take it.

 

I sometimes feel like I have no choice but the truth of the matter is, I do have a choice. I have to make the difficult choices. I either ignore my needs or someone else’s.