Sunday, June 30, 2013

bubbling with answers

I look to the heavens and ask:

• What is important today?

To act justly, love mercy, and walk with God Micah 6:8

• Why am I here?

To love one another. 1 John 3:11

• Where should I be?

Always with God. Psalm 139:18

• When will I have the faith I need?

When I believe what I can’t see. Hebrews 11:1

• How do I do it all?

Through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians

• Who can help me?

The Lord said “My presence will go with you.” Exodus 33:14

Sunday, June 23, 2013

curious artist

I search for my truth but it eludes me.

I need to know my direction but I am lost in watercolor rain.

I want to find my way out of this manic state and avoid the sadness that lurks.

I run away from my life in my mind but I always come back and find no better composition.

I look for answers to inexplicable questions. No one can help me find the perfect responses.

I just hide behind my fake canvas of sunshine and hope.

Monday, June 17, 2013

On breathing and praying....

Lord, in your mercy, show me how to be grateful in all things every day. Amen.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

i am who i am in my studio

A late spring wind blows the dark clouds out of my way revealing a clear blue sky of joy.

Hope lingers in the last strands of magenta and golden light.

Peace reappears in in the depth of a lost hurting soul.

I will not grieve for a loss that no longer is pained by life’s reality.

I long for a life of real grace.

I crave a feeling of true mercy.

I desire a passion for a tangible love.

I need a faith that is validated by every breath.

Now is the time for all fatherless daughters to trust God beyond the morning prayers.

Today is the beginning of a new authenticity for living out personal truth.

Presently is my reverie of genuineness.

I can no longer settle for anything less than who I am, what I am, and where I am most me!

Friday, June 14, 2013

on denim wings and a calico prayer

Lord, in your mercy, wash over me and cleanse me of all sin.

Breathe on me with your holiness and allow me to find peace.

Touch me with your grace and give me new hope.

Hold me in your presence and show me the way to stronger faith.

Lead me to your place of wisdom and give me knowledge to trust it.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

SIMPLE PLEASURES lead to simple living--LESS IS MORE

Life does not have to be busy to be enjoyable.

Life does not have to be complicated to be exciting.

Life needs quiet times to really find what is needed.

People do not have to be complex to be interesting.

People do not have to be multilayered to have fun.

People need reflective time to really find what is desirable.

Simple days with coexistence are what I love.

Simple activities are what I crave to be content.

Simple relationships are what I enjoy.

Simple ideas are what I learn from.

Simple creativity is what I need to survive.

Simple treasures are my gifts of life.

I see my colleague in a blank canvas waiting for my touch.

I hear a message in my creative heart’s glossary.

I feel my authenticity in imaginative endeavors which is my drug of choice.

I taste my freedom when I journal by words and images.

I smell sweet reality through artistic callings from my soul.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

wanting, needing, craving and having

I ache for a life

I already have.

I crave things

I already possess.

I dream of things

I don’t need.

I want things

I have no use for.

Am I alone in these thoughts?

(working on other projects pertaining to breath and simple pleasures)

Monday, June 10, 2013

looking back and finding blessings

May 31, 2013

Four years ago today, Dad’s health ordeal began. He had the stroke while getting ready for church on a Sunday morning. From Alexis (me) to Rutherfordton (Dad, Mom, siblings and me) to Asheville (all). Twelve days at Mission Hospital. Mom and I stayed at a hospitality house for eleven days. Dad then moved to Carepartners rehab for two weeks. Mom and I or her sister and brother-in-law went every day. Then he moved to Oak Grove Skilled Nursing Center for two months. He came home and was in and out of the hospital. Mom was in the hospital twice and we took numerous trips to Asheville and Rutherfordton for check-ups, procedures, surgeries, etc. for nearly four years. He went to the ER and then Oak Grove again at the end of March, first of April, back to the ER and then to Hospice. Understanding that a stroke victim will most likely have another stroke in 3-5 years, I thought that would take him from us. Not respiratory failure. COPD. Congenital heart failure. CERTAINLY NOT FAILURE TO THRIVE!

Why did they not tell me “He’s dying. He has a few weeks to a few months to live.” Palliative care told me if we didna’t go for the “window procedure” to drain the fluid, he would have weeks. The Asheville doctor refused and turned out he only had days.
I know no one knows all these things but I like to have the whole story. I need all the facts. I like to know what to expect and I like to be prepared. I’ve said it before “I DEAL BEST WITH THE FINITE.”
He’s gone now. More than a month. He’s healed. He’s at peace. He’s with God. I am content with that so why do I continue to belabor it? It’s part of the process of grieving, letting go and moving on. Many are surprised I have dealt so well but I know the nerve pills and anti-depressant has helped greatly. Along with art, journaling, nature, and helping Mom.
Lord, in your mercy, it is over for him. Please help Mom to not suffer or linger in her end. Amen.
Life is not perfect but very, very good.

Life is not everything you want but you have everything you need.

Life is not clear weather but there are sunny days and rainbows.

As someone said, “Life is not as good as you think, IT’S BETTER!”
The last twenty four hours I have thought about all I have, all I still want, and what I really need or deserve. I should be totally content.
“Here I am Lord. I open my heart to you. I offer my life to you. I come to you thankfully, joyously. Guide me. Bless me. Lead me with your light.” Martha Snock
Lord, in your mercy, show me how to be grateful in all things every day. Amen.