Friday, January 30, 2015

One Day

her wings outgrew her fears of flying, believing, doubt and dread...

Monday, January 26, 2015

Thursday, January 22, 2015

letter from creativity

Cut words from cards and letters to make the message, use stencils and cut outs for back ground.
Add figure tracing from magazine or clip art. Use complimentary and analogous colors.
Remember to listen to that special message you created.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

women are everything to everyone

so meet MRS. EVERYTHING! She is there when family come and go. She has the food ready, the clothes clean, the answers to "Where's my______?", and yet she must remain lovely, unstressed and WONDERFUL!

This is #2 in the Recycle Series: watercolor and pen sketch, window cut with text in my Mom's handwriting. and wings and words cut from greeting cards.

Monday, January 19, 2015

a new series of recycled art journal pages and a discovery

Cleaning out Mom's house to sell, now that she is in care for Alzheimer and unable to make payments, I discovered so much. I knew she had written a poem about her mom when she died and had it published as a song. (Actually she had to pay to do it but she was happy with it.) she wrote others too. She really dreamed of becoming a Nashville songwriter. Her dreams, like many of mine, took a back seat to real life. Responsibilities, health issues, and demons took over. Some of her demons that chased her are the same ones that chase me; the ones that make you doubt yourself, make you worry and afraid of life, and the ones that only want failure and unhappiness for you.

I decided to take some of the notes, cards, and other miscellany and turn them into art journal pages.  This is the first one and I call it Daddy's girl, because of the transparency from a Father's Day card to my dad, the line from a song (He's Got the Whole World in His Hands) refers to our Heavenly Father. the page began as hot pink with some various notes of words, numbers and address glued on, then a layer of paint was put down. then the items from cards and a cutout figure finished it.

Life is recycled just like materials.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Focus Word for 2015 - you can still pick your own

Every year for over a decade I have not made resolutions but instead chosen a focus word for the whole year. I explore it; look for ways to utilize it in my life and learn from it. I have had much success with this method and I always grow in ways that resolutions never permit. This year I chose the word “clarity”. I want to basically see and understand life more clearly for the sake of my mind, body and soul. This kind of learning happens in various ways. I observe. I contemplate. I pay attention how the word manifests itself just for me. The focus word often teaches me lessons other than around the actual meaning of the word. For instance, as I was getting ready for my day, I had a rare morning with no one but me in the house. I purposely chose to turn on nothing electronic that made sound. No radio. No TV. I always enjoy devotions in silence but it was especially nice to be in total silence, only the thoughts in my head to listen to. I realized that the silence was giving me clarity to a need, quiet space in my day. How often is it we realize such a simple lesson through a resolution?

a blessing

Monday, January 12, 2015

just being me

God can handle the healing.

my son is getting married in 12 days and he has the flu PLEASE pray for his healing and that all stay well.
many thanks!

Sunday, January 11, 2015

art journaling is my method-of therapy, debriefing, and coping


January 10, 2015

A whirlwind since before the holidays.....

Christmas was lovely though sickness before and after.

Mom is almost settled into Carillon. I have her house emptying twice a week with hopes of selling or dumping on the bank.

Matthew and Molly are less than two weeks till the wedding.

I am tired. I am confused. I am still depressed despite the positives in my life as opposed to the time prior to Thanksgiving.

I feel my age increasing rapidly, my faith still dangling from a thin thread, my health unbalanced and my life still a mix of ups and downs.

I am tired.

I am weary.

I am worn.

I don’t know if I can survive.

Mom was evaluated this past week and she was very uncooperative so they saw the real issues.

Now if I can sell the house and not have to do too much butt wiping to maintain Medicaid after the sell and profits are spent. Lord, in your mercy, if I don’t survive, at least I tried to make it all work out.

This is my debriefing of the day and past 3 weeks.

Do we ever totally debrief though? It swims in my head, sprit and heart consciously and unconsciously. It rattles in my soul till I feel like I will explode. It hangs on my flesh like dead skin. It clings to my space till I can hardly breathe. It drips from my mouth like sickness. It crushes me on all sides till I disappear.

What is “it” you ask?

The events

The words

The actions

The thoughts

The sounds

The scenes

The emotions

The challenges

The fears

The hopes

The accomplishments

The doubts

The calls

The questions

The answers

IT is all that and so much more!

Lord, in your mercy, I struggle but feel your embrace. I cringe but know your love. I gasp but breathe in your peace.  I cry and feel a release of doubt but know my faith will continue to grow and see me through to the end. I look to the sky and find the stars. I look to the earth and feel the smooth sweet grass.  I am thankful for your unfailing presence. Please never allow me to leave you. Amen.

Do I believe what I write? I’m not really sure. I guess I write it to try to convince myself I can be okay. Just O K .

From PHILOMENA “You don’t know what you don’t know. Deal with it when you do.”

January 11, 2015

Yesterday took the stuffing out of me. Today I stayed home from church. I am stuffed from lunch. I am watching a very interesting movie. I saw another one that helped me understand my family is not so bad. I hope I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings yesterday. I hope I didn’t do permanent damage. I hope I didn’t let go of anything important. I hope I can get my own clutter under control so I cannot leave a mess for Matthew. I really don’t want him to ever have to deal with the same kind of junk and indecision.

I found some more writings that mom made. She wrote something that l could have written. “What do I have to do Lord to be happy and content?” I love my mom but I don’t want to become her. I don’t want to worry myself into illness. I don’t want to lose my mind. I don’t want to waste the few good years I have left. I don’t want to be miserable for no good reason.

I want to be happy, healthy and whole! I want an organized clutter free home and LIFE. I need passion and spirit.

I want peace and quiet. I want smiles and laughter. I need my family to have all this too. AND HEALTH! I need these things more than anything. I don’t need new trinkets.

Lord, in your mercy. . . . . .

How do I make this happen? I can’t MAKE it happen. I can maybe WILL it to happen. I can ALLOW it to happen. I can PRAY it CAN happen. BUT ONLY GOD CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN and that’s not how he works. He does what he wants and allows us the same freedom. It’s our choices that make or break us. It’s our choices that make us happy or break our spirit. It’s our choices that take us through pain and grief and our choices that take us through laughter and tears. it’s our choices that cause us to live well, give to others, find what we need, and be who we become.

Friday, January 02, 2015