Tired of being the
Chameleon,
adapting
to others needs.
I feel like
few have ever
adapted
for me.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
mixed emotions- embrace them all
The warm sun shines across the half dead lawn.
God smiles on my half dead life.
Life goes on all around me and I try to live my own life.
When you are coexisting with those closer to death and life than you have ever been, you find your eyes wide open.
You search for answers that have been sought by many.
Their answers are your answers.
Today is your gift.
Make the most of it.
Share it and be blessed in it.
Miss not the unexpected joys.
Miss not the unplanned paths.
Miss not the unanticipated benefits.
Learn to appreciate the revelations of life.
Life is all things good and bad.
Life is all things happy and sad.
Life is all things forward and backward.
Live them all.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
answers if you listen and pay attention
Blowing in the wind, there are few answers.
Running from your problems is never an answer.
Hoping things will just dissolve is foolish to expect.
Praying and believing is the best answer.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
this woman is keeping it simple
The sky is blue.
The air is cold.
The ground is soggy.
The spirit is weak.
The soul is trying.
The heart is hoping.
The life is cautious but optimistic.
The woman is keeping it simple.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
simple plan
Her composition is faith and prayer.
Her structure is hope and joy.
Her creation is positive energy and wishful direction.
Her design is God driven and spirit powered.
Her modus operandi is to keep it simple and doable.
Her structure is hope and joy.
Her creation is positive energy and wishful direction.
Her design is God driven and spirit powered.
Her modus operandi is to keep it simple and doable.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
overgrowth
OVERGROWTH
The mind is an overgrowth of trouble.
The head holds too many thoughts and they overrun her attitudes.
The heart builds up with pain and corrosion put there by others who don’t even realize it.
The psyche is able to hold only so much and then vomits it out into life where it only humiliates.
The soul dies from dense thickets of worry and fear.
The spirit disappears in untidy landscapes of anger and disappointment.
The heart becomes unkempt when no one notices the hurt and breakage.
The life of the ignored is disheveled because it becomes frayed and unraveled.
No one sees the decomposition.
No one smells the decay.
No one notices the petrification.
No one believes the disintegration.
The hurting is decomposing.
The pained are decaying.
The dying is putrid.
The ignored are disintegrating.
Life ends when one is unappreciated, unnoticed and unheard.
The mind is an overgrowth of trouble.
The head holds too many thoughts and they overrun her attitudes.
The heart builds up with pain and corrosion put there by others who don’t even realize it.
The psyche is able to hold only so much and then vomits it out into life where it only humiliates.
The soul dies from dense thickets of worry and fear.
The spirit disappears in untidy landscapes of anger and disappointment.
The heart becomes unkempt when no one notices the hurt and breakage.
The life of the ignored is disheveled because it becomes frayed and unraveled.
No one sees the decomposition.
No one smells the decay.
No one notices the petrification.
No one believes the disintegration.
The hurting is decomposing.
The pained are decaying.
The dying is putrid.
The ignored are disintegrating.
Life ends when one is unappreciated, unnoticed and unheard.
too much about ME
Will I ever NOT feel edgy, nervous, and on alert? It’s not an easy way to live life.
The weight on me is unbearable.
The breath is shallow.
The thoughts are crazy.
The voices conflict.
The trouble mounts.
The hope just isn’t there.
Lord, speak and your servant will be healed. Matthew 6:8
Lord, it’s me again, Thomas’s niece, show me how to not doubt.
It’s me, Pauls’ little sister, please remove the thorn in my side.
It’s me, Eve’s buddy, keep me from disobeying you again.
It’s me, David’s cousin, keep me from evil thoughts and deeds.
It’s me, Chris, your once loving and faithful servant.
Forgive me.
Guide me.
Amen
The weight on me is unbearable.
The breath is shallow.
The thoughts are crazy.
The voices conflict.
The trouble mounts.
The hope just isn’t there.
Lord, speak and your servant will be healed. Matthew 6:8
Lord, it’s me again, Thomas’s niece, show me how to not doubt.
It’s me, Pauls’ little sister, please remove the thorn in my side.
It’s me, Eve’s buddy, keep me from disobeying you again.
It’s me, David’s cousin, keep me from evil thoughts and deeds.
It’s me, Chris, your once loving and faithful servant.
Forgive me.
Guide me.
Amen
Thursday, January 10, 2013
where my head is....
A cloudy morning in the mountains. A foggy spirit inside. Knowing how to part the clouds or disperse the fog is now we live daily. Prayers, scripture and faith get us through. Losing patience, temper or faith keeps you in a stormy dark place and that’s a hard way to live and it shortens life.
Go into each day with a positive outlook, seeking good, expecting answers you want to hear. You can then learn that often life is what you expect!
These three years and seven months since Dad’s stroke have taught me much about myself. I not only don’t have much patience, but I’ve got much faith to build. I’m finding it to be a great test as well. I’ afraid I have failed terribly. I must play along and try to get past this trial, the next one, and the next one after that. THERE’ ALWAYS GOING TO BE TRIALS! I like having a deadline. I like dealing with the finite. This has no end date in sight. It’s all about making it through today and what you must deal with. Take care of yourself in the meanwhile. Trust God. Allow others to help carry the load. Find hope when there doesn’t seem to be any. Know that hope is a choice. Believe in perseverance even when you think you can’t. Pray harder than you ever thought you could. Seek respite often. Whatever happens, don’t give up! Always expect better that you deserve and then be grateful when you get it.
All this is easy to put on paper but not so easy to maintain. So work at it. Start the day with the attitude of CAN. Try this every day and when you fail, start over the next day...YOU CAN IF YOU WANT TO BADLY ENOUGH. DO JUST DO IT. YES, EVEN TRY.
Questions remain….
Did she find the soap?
Did she put up the groceries in the right places?
Did she finish laundry from drying?
Did he take his pills?
Who left garlic bread on the bar?
Then today:
2 days for respite and catching up and I had to do the damn computer/errands (not all though).
It’s been
3 years
7 months
1 week
2 days
Since Dad’s stroke.
That’s when my grieving began. Most statistics would show that grieving to have begun to diminish by now. Mine continues to fluctuate from very high to very low. When a loved one is truly gone, there’s finality to it all. But when you have a loved one (or two) who can’t do as they wish any longer, well then you has a dark miry mess.
I can go and come as I please.
They cannot.
I can know/hope for better days ahead.
They cannot.
Buried under a lifetime of fear, hurt and ager, I am actually buried alive. Some see this. Others do not.
I can almost see the light beyond the darkness.
I can almost feel the hope of better days.
I can almost hear the sweet music after the dirge.
I can almost taste the sweetness after the bitter gaul.
I can almost smell the refreshment after the thirst.
A reminder lay in my path on my morning walk, a twig with three holly leaves. Now what was the meaning of that? I am never alone. God is with me. Jesus is in me. The Holy Spirit guides me.
Go into each day with a positive outlook, seeking good, expecting answers you want to hear. You can then learn that often life is what you expect!
These three years and seven months since Dad’s stroke have taught me much about myself. I not only don’t have much patience, but I’ve got much faith to build. I’m finding it to be a great test as well. I’ afraid I have failed terribly. I must play along and try to get past this trial, the next one, and the next one after that. THERE’ ALWAYS GOING TO BE TRIALS! I like having a deadline. I like dealing with the finite. This has no end date in sight. It’s all about making it through today and what you must deal with. Take care of yourself in the meanwhile. Trust God. Allow others to help carry the load. Find hope when there doesn’t seem to be any. Know that hope is a choice. Believe in perseverance even when you think you can’t. Pray harder than you ever thought you could. Seek respite often. Whatever happens, don’t give up! Always expect better that you deserve and then be grateful when you get it.
All this is easy to put on paper but not so easy to maintain. So work at it. Start the day with the attitude of CAN. Try this every day and when you fail, start over the next day...YOU CAN IF YOU WANT TO BADLY ENOUGH. DO JUST DO IT. YES, EVEN TRY.
Questions remain….
Did she find the soap?
Did she put up the groceries in the right places?
Did she finish laundry from drying?
Did he take his pills?
Who left garlic bread on the bar?
Then today:
2 days for respite and catching up and I had to do the damn computer/errands (not all though).
It’s been
3 years
7 months
1 week
2 days
Since Dad’s stroke.
That’s when my grieving began. Most statistics would show that grieving to have begun to diminish by now. Mine continues to fluctuate from very high to very low. When a loved one is truly gone, there’s finality to it all. But when you have a loved one (or two) who can’t do as they wish any longer, well then you has a dark miry mess.
I can go and come as I please.
They cannot.
I can know/hope for better days ahead.
They cannot.
Buried under a lifetime of fear, hurt and ager, I am actually buried alive. Some see this. Others do not.
I can almost see the light beyond the darkness.
I can almost feel the hope of better days.
I can almost hear the sweet music after the dirge.
I can almost taste the sweetness after the bitter gaul.
I can almost smell the refreshment after the thirst.
A reminder lay in my path on my morning walk, a twig with three holly leaves. Now what was the meaning of that? I am never alone. God is with me. Jesus is in me. The Holy Spirit guides me.
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
testing testing
I'm trying to decide if blogging is worth it. I handwrite and/or type journal every day. It keeps me sane. It keeps me focused as well as distracted when needed. I love to read blogs, see art, learn how others deal with life on a daily basis.
Why I may stop blogging:
1. being on a dial up connection, blogging takes forever and sometimes doesn't even work
2. does anyone else care
3. it really did not meet my need of putting my words and art out there.
4. it may just be a huge time waster
Weigh in if you care by commenting or email me directly at cqt144w@mindspring.com
PS I haven't been able to post a picture in days.
Why I may stop blogging:
1. being on a dial up connection, blogging takes forever and sometimes doesn't even work
2. does anyone else care
3. it really did not meet my need of putting my words and art out there.
4. it may just be a huge time waster
Weigh in if you care by commenting or email me directly at cqt144w@mindspring.com
PS I haven't been able to post a picture in days.
Thursday, January 03, 2013
just keep it simple
Simplifying my life is the focus for this year. I gave Matthew this advice this morning, YOU CAN’T DEPEND ON ANYONE BUT YOURSELF TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. So, that’s why I must cut myself some slack from them. This situation is making me very ill in many ways. How do I break this news to them? I’ve been giving them space. They seem to think they don’t need help so by not going so frequent, maybe they will see that they do.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
delving in to 2013
Maybe another way to simplify my life will be to NOT go over the same junk over and over. I need to say it once and let it go. I need to not revisit the same old worries and problems over and over. The Serenity Prayer should be my key to simple living in the spirit.
God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Nebor
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
Word Focus for 2013 SIMPLIFY
Thoughts on my focus for 2013 SIMPLIFY
• Less is more (material and activity and everything managed).
• Eat simple and healthy.
• Keep a simple schedule (easier routine, less activity).
• Have simple needs (basic).
• Keep a simple attitude (react calmly and accept what is inevitable).
• Simplify thoughts (less worry and obsessing).
• Simplify beliefs (WWJD).
• Simplify dreams, wants and hopes (what is good, pure, & necessary).
• Simplify words and explanations (enough to make point, don’t overdo).
• Simplify expectations (good enough is good enough).
• Simplify emotions (seek and give understanding/ let go of guilt, anger & fear).
Concentrating on simplification may not be simple to start with but it will become so if I can maintain it.
“When you learn how to say yes to the things you want in your life and no to the things you don’t want in your life-your life becomes simpler” Linda Manassee Buell
• Less is more (material and activity and everything managed).
• Eat simple and healthy.
• Keep a simple schedule (easier routine, less activity).
• Have simple needs (basic).
• Keep a simple attitude (react calmly and accept what is inevitable).
• Simplify thoughts (less worry and obsessing).
• Simplify beliefs (WWJD).
• Simplify dreams, wants and hopes (what is good, pure, & necessary).
• Simplify words and explanations (enough to make point, don’t overdo).
• Simplify expectations (good enough is good enough).
• Simplify emotions (seek and give understanding/ let go of guilt, anger & fear).
Concentrating on simplification may not be simple to start with but it will become so if I can maintain it.
By seeking a simple life, I can de-clutter. I can get rid of excess. I can remove things and people than weigh me down. I can find a way to not overdo, overthink, over-acquire. I want a simple, organized, excess-free life. I want to get rid of junk that makes my life disorderly and cumbersome. I want to remove people that zap my energy and kill my spirit. I want to simplify my routine and have more time for spiritual and creative endeavors. I want to get rid of the gluttony in my life and body. I want to live by simple means: easy meals of healthy grains and vegetables. I want to walk and find an easy mindset. I want to fill up on God’s word and repurpose my soul with it.
I want to stop life from taking over. I want to take over my life I want to be authentic and genuine without apology.
“When you learn how to say yes to the things you want in your life and no to the things you don’t want in your life-your life becomes simpler” Linda Manassee Buell
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