New Lessons and Projects

Another week and as usual I don’t know if I can get through it. Maybe I can and maybe I can’t. God only knows. It started with finally getting to sleep in the first few minutes of it, yes, I fell asleep just after midnight, due to sleeping too much Saturday night and Sunday morning to try to regain strength for the week. Then I got up after nearly 7 hours but not a straight 7 hours. It was a night of peeing every 30 minutes the first few hours of it. I ate some cereal, started laundry, walked, had devotions on the deck, watered flowers, cleaned up, went to Stanley, cooked lunch, and tried to eat. All the heat and doing and insufficient sleep let to more stomach issues, cramps and activity to put it daintily.



During devotions I received wonderful advice but I don’t think I’ve used it too well.


Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” (I must trust him to overcome my past, to live in my present, and to not fear the future.


Yesterday’s Daily word, “My heart’s desires are within reach.” Referring back to Proverbs 3:5, IF I TRUST!


Luke 8:15 “there are the ones who, when they hear the word, hold fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patient endurance.” (There’s the heart word again and a gentle nudge to be patient, which is one of my greatest weaknesses.)


From Guideposts, “Even the moonflowers (one of my faves) can instill good memories.” And also this, “Live each day with gratitude.”


In random scriptural advice in how to deal with tomorrow, parents and taking Dad to the AVA (Asheville Veterans Administration). Isaiah 35:4 “Be strong. Do not fear, your God will come….He will save you.”


Why do I let life get me down?


Why do I give in to aggravation?


Why do I sweat the small stuff?


I always forget just how much of it is SMALL STUFF!


Am I stupid? Am I weak? Am I just a mistake God made? I know, I would be told by almost anyone, “You are not a mistake. God does not make mistakes.” I do feel like one. I don’t follow what I believe and claim. I don’t accept the goodness God offers so freely. I don’t believe what I know is true every day I live and breathe. So here I sit and write. Here I sit and obsess over the same old lessons my hard head won’t learn. I sit here and ignore all the pluses in my life. I sit and forget all the scriptures I hold so close in my heart and should trust with my soul. Here I sit, a stubborn lump of clay that won’t allow the Master Potter mold it into something strong, useful and maybe even beautiful. The best lessons are the hardest. Maybe I will someday be proof of this.


My life is one of many lessons.


• Over eat get sick or fat.


• Ignore exercise and be stressed.


• Worry and feel bad.


• Lose your temper and lose the battle.


• Forget to forgive and get eaten by it.


There are more and as I remember them, I will share them.


I long to one day find complete contentment and perfect peace. Will I even allow it? The word “allow” keeps coming to mind. Why? What is its meaning to me? Allow, permit, let, consent, tolerate, agree to, accept, acknowledge, grant, concede. These are all in the thesaurus. Am I allowing life to happen to me or living it for God’s purpose for me? I’m not even sure. I feel so jaded by words. I love to find ways to let them minister to me. I enjoy arranging them into little sermons on life. I just don’t know if I really let them sink into my inside. I don’t know if I can. I’ve got this block. Did I put it there or did the enemy put it there? Who knows? Not I. Maybe God. Does He ever force us to learn these hard lessons? No. He gave us freewill. We do not make right choices. We do not follow His instruction. We do not trust his leading and allow it to get us where we want to be or need to be. Maybe this is my hardest lesson yet. Can I learn it? Am I capable of learning it? I want to learn it. Will I? Only time will tell.


So here I still sit! A proverbial knot on the log.

Here is a new project to submit to SS.