Four years ago today, Dad’s health ordeal began. He had the stroke while getting ready for church on a Sunday morning. From Alexis (me) to Rutherfordton (Dad, Mom, siblings and me) to Asheville (all). Twelve days at Mission Hospital. Mom and I stayed at a hospitality house for eleven days. Dad then moved to Carepartners rehab for two weeks. Mom and I or her sister and brother-in-law went every day. Then he moved to Oak Grove Skilled Nursing Center for two months. He came home and was in and out of the hospital. Mom was in the hospital twice and we took numerous trips to Asheville and Rutherfordton for check-ups, procedures, surgeries, etc. for nearly four years. He went to the ER and then Oak Grove again at the end of March, first of April, back to the ER and then to Hospice. Understanding that a stroke victim will most likely have another stroke in 3-5 years, I thought that would take him from us. Not respiratory failure. COPD. Congenital heart failure. CERTAINLY NOT FAILURE TO THRIVE!
Why did they not tell me “He’s dying. He has a few weeks to a few months to live.” Palliative care told me if we didna’t go for the “window procedure” to drain the fluid, he would have weeks. The Asheville doctor refused and turned out he only had days.
I know no one knows all these things but I like to have the whole story. I need all the facts. I like to know what to expect and I like to be prepared. I’ve said it before “I DEAL BEST WITH THE FINITE.”
He’s gone now. More than a month. He’s healed. He’s at peace. He’s with God. I am content with that so why do I continue to belabor it? It’s part of the process of grieving, letting go and moving on. Many are surprised I have dealt so well but I know the nerve pills and anti-depressant has helped greatly. Along with art, journaling, nature, and helping Mom.
Lord, in your mercy, it is over for him. Please help Mom to not suffer or linger in her end. Amen.
Life is not perfect but very, very good.
Life is not everything you want but you have everything you need.
Life is not clear weather but there are sunny days and rainbows.
As someone said, “Life is not as good as you think, IT’S BETTER!”
The last twenty four hours I have thought about all I have, all I still want, and what I really need or deserve. I should be totally content.
“Here I am Lord. I open my heart to you. I offer my life to you. I come to you thankfully, joyously. Guide me. Bless me. Lead me with your light.” Martha Snock
Lord, in your mercy, show me how to be grateful in all things every day. Amen.
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