I miss mom and feel like she’s up the road at Carillon or
home. She is home but not in Caroleen. She’s in heaven, her real home, her place
of eternal rest, peace, joy, worship and praise. I don’t have to worry about
her. Missing her is easier for me than all the worry I had over her. As stated
so many times I grieved long before the day she died. I grieved even before she
developed Alzheimers. I grieved every
time she worried over family drama and situations. I grieved every time she
lost joy to those same situations. I grieved every time she lost her temper at
what she thought others were thinking and saying about family members. I grieved
every time she was sick or hurt. I grieved every time she let life
circumstances rob her of peace. I grieved when I learned she and dad still had
financial issues in their later years. I grieved when she did show first signs
of dementia. I grieved when she couldn’t remember what we just discussed. I
grieved when she couldn’t use the phone. I grieved when she didn’t know her own
reflection and became angry at someone wearing her clothes. I grieved when she
could no longer call my name. I grieved when she could no longer control her
thoughts and emotions. I grieved when she could no longer eat solid food. I
grieved when she could no longer feed herself. I grieved when she no longer had
any enjoyment in life except for a brief moment when she first saw me come in.
So, you see, I have grieved lots for years. I am out of
grief. My tears have dried up. My pain has subsided. My loss is over. She’s in
heaven with dad, her parents, siblings, and God. Yes, I will miss her till I’m
there too but I will no longer grieve. She is where she should be.
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